i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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