thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
