You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this hospital has no fireball
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
