Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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