You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
