Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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