dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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