I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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