you guys were way drunker than both of me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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