i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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