Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's get the cat blown out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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