All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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