my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
