I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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