filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
