I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
