I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
