shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
