she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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