I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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