dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
