I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
