his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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