I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize