i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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