Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
