Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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