the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
