I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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