She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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