Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
