its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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