i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
