My nipple is on Facebook.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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