i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
