if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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