Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
