South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
