anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
