she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
