I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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