the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Farmville is her only friend.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
