I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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