i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
