He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
