I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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