Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
