i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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