I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
