your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
