I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
