just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
