everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
