So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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