you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
