I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize