dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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