My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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