gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
