Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
