Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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