She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize