party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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