Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
