He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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