Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
