Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
