The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
