We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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