I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
