butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
