The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
