shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
