I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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